A working wife and mom with 2 kids who bakes, watches sports, loves Disney and the randomness of life. We love to travel, love living the Wisconsin life, and have fun whenever we can. Come along on our crazy adventures!

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Seeing 33...



I’ve been wanting to get back into blogging for a while now, but just didn’t have the time, opportunity or really the excuse to jump back in. But I figured today, my 33rd birthday, would be the perfect chance to put some things out there in the hopes that somewhere, it helps someone who is struggling.

Celebrity deaths, while tragic, usually don’t affect my day-to-day life. You talk about them, read the media stories, and then days later it floats off into the universe as “wasn’t that sad when” and “so-and-so was such a great _______.” When I heard about Robin William’s death, and learned it was a suicide, it struck a chord in me, it gnashed at my insides because I too know what that battle is like.  Depression is no joke. It is a constant battle to pull yourself up out of the darkness and knowing that most days you’d just rather spend your time there because it’s easier. It consumes you, it’s like a cartoon cloud where it’s dark and gloomy and raining right over your head, and everyone else is in the sun.

I know because I’ve been there, I’ve lived in that darkness and I’ve struggled and fought to stay out of it. I still struggle daily with sometimes crippling anxiety that manifests itself in a myriad of ways.  And I’m not saying I’m Robin Williams, but I mask so much with humor, with jokes and silliness and yet there is always that lingering sadness behind my eyes when I look in the mirror.

Looking back to 16, I had some dark, dark times. I think if I were there looking forward, I didn’t know if I’d make it to 33, to where I am now. There are times I wanted, even tried, to die. The darkness is that strong. It defies lifestyle, feelings, and logic. It doesn’t care that you’re rich, smart, funny, or successful.

I read a great article yesterday about what to say to someone suffering with depression. It can be found here: http://www.realsimple.com/health/mind-mood/emotional-health/what-to-say-to-someone-with-depression-00100000129559/. I was sooooo lucky that while I was in my darkest hours, I found someone who listed, who was there, who helped me find help that I needed. And they weren’t a medical professional, they were a friend, and still one of my best friends today. It takes that one person who is present, who takes the time to listen and not judge, and I know I might not be here today if it weren’t for them, so thank you.
I’m so glad I made it to 33, and I hope I make it so many more years. I still struggle, I don’t think anyone is ever really truly out of the woods. But I see so much promise now, know so much more happiness and know that if I need it, I have a great support system there to help. If you need help, and don’t know where to turn, don’t hesitate to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/) 1-800-273-TALK. 


Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Midnight

There's been a lot of darkness this past week. I don't care to go into it, but my heart just hurts for people and the situations they've been put in.

So this haunting Bon Iver-esque new Coldplay song came out at just the right moment.

If you do anything today, do it to this song....







Monday, February 17, 2014

Gains and Losses

There are certainly things you expect to gain when you're pregnant with your children. Weight, fluids, and that weepy-ness that comes with being a mom (I'm looking at you Olympic "Thank You Mom" commercials----you GUT me!). You gain this big mushy heart that suddenly is so sensitive to every little thing. When you child comes to you telling you no one will play with him on the playground, your heart breaks a little, because I've been there. I imagine that adorable little specimen of a person playing alone on the playground, looking longingly at his friends and it really breaks me. He's had such a tough year and we're just starting on a new positive road of discovery for him, so I'm really hoping it turns around for him. I love him to pieces and can't help but have the worried mom side of me all the time.

He did lose something recently, though. His first TOOTH!  I thought this thing was coming out on the cruise, but it took it's sweet time and a week ago with one little yank, it was out and the Tooth Fairy arrived for a visit.
One down!

While Eli is losing things, Samuel is gaining a lot...of weight! Holy cow do we have a big baby on our hands. Our sweet almost 7 month old is 23 1/2 lbs, 29 inches. He's in 12-18 month clothing! But such a sweet, dear baby. He's always happy, except when he's hungry....

Trying our hand at teething biscuits!

Another thing I've gained? Thanks to my pregnancies with Eli and Samuel, I've gone from pretty pin-straight hair to a head full of curls! I finally gave up the long hair that I'd been throwing back in a bun and got it cut, only to have people think I got a perm (What is this, 1986?). It's insane what hormonal changes will do to your body.

Holy hair!

Our family is SO over winter here in Wisconsin. It seems like it's never nice enough out to even take the boys out. And of course it's snowing AGAIN! Ugh.

I'll leave you with the happy thought that Hidden Mickeys are everywhere, as illustrated by Eli:



Thursday, January 30, 2014

On the Tele..and "I'm Somebody's Mom!"

Maybe I've become disinfranchised with what's on TV lately, or I've caught up on most of my shows that have gone on hiatus for the winter or Olympics or whatever reason they're off the air, but I have become ADDICTED to British TV.

Over the break and since, I've watched the following:










 
 Still watching Downton in American time, so we're about 1/2 way through the season.





 

and some of this:

 

What can I say, I'm loving them. I don't know why they seem so much more complex and deeper than a lot of the American shows on TV right now. I have to give the edge to Luther for crime dramas. As a forever fan of Law and Order: SVU, it's slowly losing me while I just can't get enough of Luther. The characters are complex and so well written and acted. It's highly recommended by me!


Also, I had to wonder. For all my parent friends out there, do you ever have those moments where it just hits you that you yourself are not a child anymore and that you're someone's parent? It's so crazy, because even at  32 years old, I still get the passing (and very brief) feeling that I'm still just a kid. Like when I started to feel ill last night, I went into my son's room and grabbed a stuffed animal, because cuddling with it at night made me feel better. Or I sometimes get that "hurt feelings" feeling when someone says something to you the wrong way or when something makes you flash back to a moment in your childhood where you felt bad. For a moment you feel like a kid again. Then reality smacks you in the face and you realize "Oh, God, I'm responsible for 2 human beings! When did that happen?"

Always amazes me how time flies.....

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Back in the Saddle

So, it's a new year's resolution that I start blogging again more frequently. Since I'm currently relaxing on vacation I figured it's the best time to start!!! We just enjoyed our first Disney Cruise this past weekend with my in-laws aboard the Disney Wonder. Our ports of call included Grand Cayman and Cozumel. I will be the first to say I was nervous about going on a cruise. I know I'm not the first parent to have visions of their children falling overboard into the sea or some band of pirates kidnapping our ship (rational, I know!) So I was skeptical at first. But I put my faith in Disney, as I often do, and believed we would have the best time ever. And we did. We even booked another cruise before leaving the ship. I wanted to stay onboard, it was THAT magical. Here's some photos from our adventure:

The boys are ready!

The Disney Wonder

Eli Relaxing on Deck

Sam at the Beach

Little Pirates! 

 I hope you'll stick with me as I jump back into blogging about my crazy life with my family!!!